Monday, April 25, 2011

Perfect To Me

So I opened an Etsy shop. I've been thinking about it for a long time now, probably over a year. The comments on my blog were encouraging and C started making beeswax candles so we figured why not give it a try. I've always been the crafty type. In fact I have a new obsession: miniatures. I'm ordering an heirloom dollhouse kit to put together for the kids to play with. I'm sure I'll end up playing with it too. I want to make all the tiny pieces that go in them too, I've been looking at some dollhouses online that people have made. They're insane! So detailed it's just amazing.

I've been feeling conflicted about Skyler's upcoming surgery. I know it's necessary, I know that it should help with his self confidence because it should help him "look" like a "normal" kid. But I'm scared of what could go wrong, even though I know it's a very safe procedure, there are always risks to everything. I'm also worried that someday he'll feel like we changed who he is, that we didn't like how he looked. I was listening to the radio one day and that Pi.nk song came on, the one about being perfect and I started crying and couldn't stop for a while. I just want him to know that he is perfect to me just the way he is. I feel like I'm going against that though, that by having them do the surgery on his eyes to uncross them, that I'm saying he's not good enough the way he is.

I know it's crazy, I know I'll get over it eventually, especially if the surgery helps him see better. And maybe someday he will be grateful that we chose for him to have the surgery. And who knows he may never even think those things that I'm worried about. Still I think as his mom I'm entitled to freak out a little bit now and then I guess. And I know I'll probably freak out even more as the date draws nearer, but I'll hold it all together. I always do. Here's hoping it all works out for the best.


ShellieD2355 said...

Azaera, Don't feel silly for freaking out! That's a "Mom thing" and it's good. I hardly think that as Skyler grows up he'll even consider that you ever thought he wasn't perfect!
Think of it this way -- you love him so much you want him to have the best opportunities for his life ahead. And good vision is something to work towards.
I think you're a wonderful mom! It's just hard to see it at this time in your life. Believe me, I know. I'm finding out NOW that my boys (23 and 25 years old) appreciated everything I tried to do for them and consider me a great mom. (Wish I'd known that when I was struggling to do the "mom" thing when they were younger!)

Elle said...

I know you'll make the right decision for him! You seem to be an amazing mother doing an extraordinary job raising your boys. I will just share with you my story, it involves my 27 year old fiance. He's the kindest, most honest and polite person you could ever meet. But, he has a detached retina in one of his eyes causing him to have the appearance of a "lazy eye". We've been together so long that I honestly never notice it anymore and am taken back when others do. Anyways, he just started a new job and had the unfortunate experience of accidentally walking into a conversation between two of his new coworkers about him. About how they don't know where he's looking or which eye to look at. And how they should refer to him as "Cock Eyed" from now on. Of course they silenced when they realized he was there. But I was so upset that a good man at the age of 27 would still be "Bullied" and made fun of for something he can't help (it's from a boxing injury and only expensive plastic surgery will fix it). Sigh.

Anyways, you've been so helpful to me, I hope this helps you a little. Or at least offers you another perspective! Best wishes!

Azaera said...

Thank you both for your comments. Elle yours made me cry. People have said things like that about Skyler and he's only 2. It breaks a mom's heart. I know what you mean about "getting used to it" Skyler has always had an eye turn in, I couldn't imagine what he'd look like without it. I'm sorry your fiance can't get the surgery. We're fortunate that Skyler's is covered by medicare because it's not just cosmetic.