Skyler My Monster

Wow, it's been a while, where did the time go?

Skyler has been keeping us on our toes. Sleeping all day being the world's easiest baby, and then as soon as nightfall hits he is the nonstop screamfest baby from a horror flick. I'm relatively sure that last sentence made no sense whatsoever, but I can't remember what sleep is like so it will have to do. He literally will scream bloody murder from sundown to sun up and then go back to being Mr. HappySleepsALot. I'm pretty sure it's been bad gas or something making him act this way. It has only been 2-3 days, but it feels like an eternity when your baby is upset and you can't sleep. If I didn't have to work I would sleep when he does during the day, but unfortunately I'm taking care of him and N.

But hey it's Friday now, so it's officially the weekend for me. I love working Monday to Thursday. This morning Sky and I have a Mommy & Me Workshop to go to with my friend S and her baby boy A. The class is called Coping With Change. I read the booklet and was suprised at how I just don't feel any of that stuff. It lists things like post partum depression and anxiety.. I'm finding I've had no problem adjusting to Skyler being here, it's like he was meant to be here all along. I don't doubt my parenting, not for a second, and I'm not anxious anymore. At least not as much as when I was pregnant with him. Now that he is here safely it feels like I can relax a little. I mean of course I am constantly weighing him and measuring him because I need physica proof that he is still growing on his own. (If he stops growing we have to call the endocrinologist for a series of tests and get him started on growth hormones.) But aside from that I'm pretty well adjusted if I do say so myself.

Yesterday Ordinary Miracle came on the radio while I was changing Sky's diaper. I posted this like forever ago, but Ordinary Miracle was Sophie's song. And as I was changing him I started singing it, and I told him "that's your sister's song" It felt strange to hear those words coming out of my mouth. Strange, but right, he does have a sister, even if she is only ethereal. And we will talk about her. I want him to know about miscarriages and stillbirth, and the ugly side of life. Wow that makes me sound like a horrible parent doesn't it? That's not how I mean to come across. I mean I want him to know that having a baby is not just something that magically happens to people and that life is not always simple and easy. Maybe it will soften the blow for him, I don't know. There is something I have not discussed on here before, because I worried it may violate my son's privacy, but it affects me too. Perhaps I will say it like this, if Sky is to be my only child then I will never have biological grandchildren.

It has to do with his hormones. He will be normal in everything else, but he is going to be completely infertile. Forever. C keeps saying he hopes our son is gay because then he's less likely to want a biological child.. It's going to be a fun thing to tell him when he is a teenager and takes health class or biology class. I'm going to be completely honest with him I have decided already. It's his body and he needs to know all about it and how it works, at least as much as we know about it anyway.

I've been reading the blog of a father of a little girl lately. He wrote a book about her called Schuyler's Monster (Schuyler is the original spelling of the name Skyler). His daughter has a rare neurological disorder that makes her mute and will likely cause seizures when she's older. I'm waiting for my library to have copies of the book in and then I'm going to read it. He talks about how difficult it is to be a parent to a "special needs" kid. But he isn't one of those cutesy lovey dovey people who sugarcoat the whole thing. He is head over heels in love with his daughter and finds her to be the most amazing, strong person. You have to read his writing to understand it, but it makes me feel like I can do this.

Weight Gain

He's 9 pounds and 9 and a half ounces! His nurse practitioner says he's developing ahead of his adjusted age in some ways and behind in others. Like he rolls over which he shouldn't be doing until he's about 3 or 4 months old. But he doesn't focus well or follow things with his eyes like he should for a 3 month old. So he's somewhere in between his adjusted age and his actual age in terms of development.

I want to go walk around the mall today. I need to get rid of some of this extra weight. I think once I register for my courses I'll have a gym membership to the school gym. I'm thinking I'll be able to go work out there at least once a week or something. But then again if I'm being realistic here, I'll likely go once or twice and then end up too busy to go again. Ah well. That's life I suppose.

I'm participating in a Pay it Forward thing from Amy's blog so if anyone wants some random thing from me that's handmade (by me) leave a comment and let me know. I'll randomly choose two people. And the condition is you have to pay it forward on your blog too. So leave a comment telling me what you'd prefer. I can crochet scarves and hats, and I'm great at sewing random stuff. Let me know if you have a specific request. I can't promise I'll make exactly what you want, but I'll make an effort.

3 Month (w/ pics!)

He's in 3 month clothes. Seriously people, this baby is only a month old adjusted, if I had given birth to him in January he would have needed a mortar bomb to blast out of there. The Nurse Practitioner says he's going to be tall and thin. He's measuring almost 2 feet already! And his head is proportionate to his body, which is odd. I'm hoping that's just normal for him and not that he has some sort of brain abnormality.

He's developing rapidly too, he rolled over twice yesterday and twice this morning. Last night he almost slept through the night (well he woke up every 4 hours to feed and easily went back to sleep which is about the same thing to me) I think I actually got a total of 8 hours. Amazing! Oh and he will hold onto toys that I put into his hand and he actually puts them into his mouth to chew on. Should he be doing that already? Oh and he does this weird chewing thing after he eats. I'll finish breastfeeding him and he's gumming away like I've given him something to chew on. C actually asked me what I was feeding him one time. Isn't that something they are supposed to do when they are old enough to eat baby food?? If he thinks I'm gonna crack open a jar of applesauce he had better just hold onto his knickers. He can wait until April for that.

Last night C and I did our cooking for the week. Literally. We made stew, hamburgers, chili, and shepherd's pie. I still have to make the vat of pasta and then I think we're done for a while. The idea was if we make everything at once and freeze it in individual portions then we won't have to do any real cooking for a while. Which will help with the whole avoiding dairy thing, because half the time I get hungry and there's nothing made and I'll just grab whatever I find, and that's harder now that I can't have a cup of yogurt or a grilled cheese sandwich. We actually had a great time cooking together, spending time together in the kitchen was fun. We put the baby in his close & secure sleeper thing and put him in the kitchen with us, and talked to him while we cooked.

In other news, it looks like February is a very expensive month. My course is going to cost $324, and the other day we got in the car to go to the bank or the store or somewhere and realized something wasn't quite right. We went over a tiny bump in the road and my head almost hit the roof of the car. Now I have to hold my boobs in place everytime we drive because they're full of milk and it hurts when they bounce. I made Chuck take the car to his cousin's auto shop this morning, and he confirmed what I suspected: the shocks are busted in the front. So that's getting fixed on Friday and is going to cost $400. Luckily his cousin is going to do the work for us and we can pay him half up front and half later or something like that.

Skyler has managed to spit up twice in the span of a few hours and has gone from his 0-3 month outfit that fit perfectly, to his 3 month outfit that fit really well, to a 0 month outfit that is way too small on him. But H (the 1 yr old that C watches) is sleeping in our bedroom where Skyler's dresser is so I can't go rifle through his drawer of sleepers to find him something that fits.

I'm excited for Friday, it's going to be a very busy day. 9 am we're taking the car to get fixed, that won't be done until about noon or 1pm. Then 1:45pm is Skyler's check up with the Nurse Practitioner. (I can't wait to find out how much he weighs now!) Then after that we're having friends over for dinner. I love not working Fridays. (Watch, now that I've said that they'll ask me to work.)

Oh yesterday we went to the mall to talk to my cousin who works there. And we finally brought the stroller with us. We were walking along minding our own business when this little girl who must have been about 8 came racing up to us and grabbed onto the handle of the stroller and tried to pull down the stroller canopy so she could see the baby. Now we were walking, and she stopped the stroller when she grabbed it, and almost knocked it over, she wouldn't let go either. C was pushing it and was pretty pissed off. He was like "Excuse me?!" And then another girl ran up and tried to look at Skyler. Must have been the first one's sister. Anyway we walked back a few paces to find the parents who were sitting on a bench not even looking in the direction of their kids. And asked them if they would mind actually watching their children because they almost tipped over our stroller. Seriously what is wrong with people today?? When I was a child I was taught it's very disrespectful to invade anyone's space. In fact I wouldn't even step on the corner of someone's lawn even if they were my next door neighbour and I had lost a frisbee or a ball in their yard. Ridiculous I can't even imagine grabbing someone's stroller, even if I knew them.

And now, as a reward for reading my long boring post some funny pictures of my little guy:

Back To School

Yes, I'm doing it. I start in April. I'm taking distance ed, and I'm going to get my ECE II. Which is Early Childhood Educator Diploma. Meaning I'll be able to teach nursery school or run a licensed daycare center or preschool. I can't wait, I love working with young children. And I'll be able to take my courses at home, so I won't have to sacrifice my work or time with my son.

Tonight C turned off all the fuses in the apartment and we just disconnected from everything. It was lovely. We lit candles, and relaxed. It's crazy to realize just how plugged in we are to everything, it felt strange taking a few hours without using my laptop or watching tv. Very nice.

Intolerant

This past week was interesting. C broke so many glasses we had to go buy a new set of them. In fact we got two new sets, one for me and one for him. We're giving the remaining of our old set away to friends who don't have many glasses. I redid my bathroom, it is no longer a mismatch of random towels and accessories, it has a theme now. Black and blue, everything matching, except the shower curtain which is clear.

Skyler has had diarrhea for the last week or so. I was starting to freak out, apparently RSV can cause it. On Thursday at work, he puked all over me and himself, and then immediately after had an explosive diaper, that I noticed when I went to take off his pukey clothes. Nothing was safe. His shirt, his pants, his onesie, his blanket, his bum, his back, his legs, his arms, his ear, it was literally everywhere. I texted C, told him that baby was sick, told him about the puke and the poo and how I was freaking out. He said "I'm sorry he's sick what do you want me to do from here?" Gee thanks dear, how about bring some clean clothes and blankets for your son. So I threw all his clothes, and my sweater in the laundry at work with some of N's clothes and texted C back, asking him to bring us some clean stuff.

He didn't respond. I spent the entire morning, holding a fussy, sicky baby who was wearing only a onesie (I normally pack him an extra sleeper in his diaper bag, but had used it the day before and forgotten to replace it) and the one clean blanket I could find. I was freezing in my little t shirt, because it's Manitoba which means it's cold. And the house where I work is old and has a crappy heating system so it's rather drafty. N had been up since 6am (oh and did I mention that this all happened at 7am? Nice start to my day, let me tell you) and was tired and cranky but didn't want to sleep. I eventually just put her into her bed and left her up there. It took her almost 45 minutes to fall asleep after talking to herself about her dolls and her cooking, and her puppies and her baby Syah.

Meanwhile I spent the morning staring at my baby, feeding him a little bit every hour in the hopes that he would be able to keep it down and not puke on the only clean article of clothing he had left. I must have called C about 100 times to ask him to come and get me and Sky at lunch time, but he had his cell phone forwarded to the house phone, and was not answering. I left about 12 messages, texted him 20 times. See we had been up all night with the baby the night before, had about a solid 2-3 hours sleep. But now C was at home asleep, and I was at work panicking and freaking out by myself.

Eventually he answered the phone at 11:30, half an hour before my lunch. Of course he was sorry. But really he knew before he passed out that Skyler was sick and I was freaking out. And yet he fell asleep anyway. And I get the exhaustion thing, really I do, hello I am breastfeeding him all night long, I am just as exhausted, and yet I managed to stay awake all morning with our pukey poopy baby making sure he was taken care of. Ugh men, sometimes I tell you..

We made up of course, I didn't stay mad at him long, because I know he is trying. And he is a wonderful daddy 90% of the time. Everyone needs to be allowed to make mistakes. I just hope he remembers this next time..

As for baby, I called the Nurse Practitioner on Friday because while he hadn't puked again he still had the diarrhea. I described everything to her, he doesn't have a fever, not lethargic, eating very well on a normal schedule, lots of pee, normal colour, etc etc. She asked about changes in my diet, yes oopsie I've been having yogurt and cheese and ice cream and milk, all things I shouldn't even be having in the first place since I am lactose intolerant. Looks like I'm the culprit. Well don't I just feel like the best mommy ever. So now I am cutting pretty much everything out of my diet. It takes up to a month for the proteins to be out of my system and his! So it could be a long time before it clears up. And no more dairy for me until he is done breastfeeding.

Other than that all has been well. C redeemed himself by making me the cheesiest Valentines day gift ever. We recently got a professional quality photo printer, and he got some iron on t shirt transfers and made me a pink t-shirt with a collage of pictures of Skyler that says Proud Mommy on the back.

Today we are off to my nana's so that my dad's side of the family can finally meet the baby. My nana is one crazy old opinionated lady, but she's a hell of a cook. And I haven't had any good Scottish food in a while. Got my fingers crossed that she's making us mince n tatties.

Interview

I started this post a few days ago, but didn't finish it, and then Sky got sick. So I'm sorry for not posting sooner. Thank you Mrs. Spit for the thoughtful questions.

1. What was the single hardest thing about Skyler being born premature?



Feeling like we didn't have the chance to bond. Worrying that he was confused because he was surrounded by so many nurses, how would he know who his mommy was? He still seems to be more attached to his dad than me sometimes, and he doesn't always like to look at my face even though most babies are supposed to like looking at their mom's face. It was hard knowing that I couldn't be with him 24/7 even though I wanted to be, and that I was basically a visitor. I had to stand outside the unit and call in on a phone, and if they were busy they would make me wait outside in the hallway before I could see my own child. Also the lack of communication made me very upset. They wouldn't even tell us what drugs they were putting him on, or let us read his chart which legally they have to.



2. What, if anything, will you tell Skyler about Sophie?



That mommy was pregnant before she had him, and that the pregnancy ended too early and the baby wasn't born. That I loved that baby, and she was his sister. And she is always watching over him, and I'm sure she loves him too.



3. You work with young children for a living. What do you find most enjoyable about that?



I love every minute with them. I guess the very best part is seeing the world through their eyes. Everything is so new and magical and wonderful. Every new word they say, every sentence, every new development is just so amazing. I remember N's first steps, it was so exciting. Her first words! Mama, Papa, and Britt-Britt. The first time she clapped, the first time she danced to a song on the radio. I love how today when I came in the door she said "I'm so happy to see you Britt-Britt!" and when she is sad or hurt she wants me to hold her. How she wraps her arms around my neck and gives me a huge slobbery kiss on the cheek or the mouth. How at the end of the day today she said "I miss you awready Britt-Britt!" as I was leaving. When Skyler cries she alerts me immediately even if I'm in the room. "Uh oh Britt-Britt baby Syah's crying! Maybe he's hungry. Don't cry baby Syah!" Today she walked up to him and said "What's up baby Syah?" Everything she does is beyond adorable.



4. Describe your perfect day.



Every day when I wake up to find my son is here with me.



5. If you could change one single thing about your life, right now, what would it be?



It's actually pretty much picture perfect right now.. I can't say I'd wish Sophie had lived because I wouldn't have Skyler... So as much as I want her, it isn't fair to him because I love him and wouldn't trade him for the world. I want more, but I am going to wait until he is older and done breastfeeding before we try again.

there were 3 in the bed and the little one said roll over

He did it! Just a few minutes ago. I put him on his tummy time mat for a little tummy time which is something he is very good at, lifting that big head of his. For the longest time now he has been rolling onto his side. He can do it from his tummy or his back. But today he went from his tummy all the way to his back! I'm not sure what age he's supposed to do that at, but he's about 3 months, or 1 month adjusted. Do 1 month old babies roll over on their own?? I remember K (another baby C and I used to babysit) didn't roll over until 5 months. But she was a preemie too, by 1 month, so she was 4 months adjusted.. Damn all these numbers making my head spin. I know all babies develop at a different rate. Just strikes me as odd at how easily my baby seems to roll over. He does it like it's nothing. Now I'm worried I won't be able to put him down anywhere without him rolling away..

I've been bad lately. C got me Final Fantasy Tactics A2 for the ds yesterday and I literally spent the entire day playing it (even while I was breastfeeding). I didn't even shower. I'm going to consider it a late birthday gift since I didn't get one. Or maybe an early valentines day present. Either way I love this game. Very addictive. We also got Mario 64 or something like that, but I haven't tried it yet.

And now for a couple family pics we took last night. (After I managed to pry myself away from my game)