11 Months

Yes 11 months, that's how long C's dad is giving us to have a baby, apparently. No I'm not kidding, we went over there for dinner last week and his dad says "so when am I getting grandkids? In about 10 - 11 months, that gives C a couple months to get it right" I was like uh yeah.. sure one baby coming right up. Seriously I'm working on it. And anyways (and this I didn't say to him, but trust me I wanted to) he won't be taking care of our kids anyway. The most contact he's going to have with them is when I am in the room. Sorry bud but you don't have the best track record with kids. At least not your own. So don't think for a second I'm leaving you alone with mine.

On the baby front things seem to be getting worse for me, how ridiculous I realize I have become. When I said last post that I was looking for books for the baby I take care of, I lied. How sad is that? Yes I take care of a 17 month old baby, and yes I bought baby books, but they weren't for her. They were for my unborn, in fact as of yet unconceived children. And today I went to the closet for some sick reason to find Sophie's onesie, and discovered to my despair that I have no clue where it went. Imagine if you will a 5'3 woman searching her closet frantically, pulling out boxes and hangers and all sorts of random crap, desperately trying to find baby clothes for a baby that was never even born. This may have been the low point of the week needless to say.

And why, why oh why am I still buying book after book about raising babies and parenting, and I have diapers and wipes in my purse which, is actually a diaper bag. I practically broke down in a fricken department store with C yesterday and almost bought a bunch of teething rings and baby clothes. I saw the cutest shirt, with I love nature and stuff on it, but it was pink and I was going to buy it and then I turned to C and was like but.. what if I get pregnant again and it's a boy? It would have been fine for Sophie.. but.. yeah..

Oh yes, and let's not forget last week when I saw that C had left the baby blanket that I crocheted, in the basement on our old bed. And how I freaked out. Didn't he understand how much time and effort I had put into making that? And how it was made of super soft baby wool so as not to scratch Sophie.. And how there were icky yucky bugs in the basement!? After his profuse apologies, we took it back upstairs where it remains in our bedroom closet, underneath a pile of clothes, thrown there in my haste to find baby clothes that I can't even put to use.

I think I should maybe actually have a baby first before I start buying it clothes and toys.. but ugh. baby where are you? come out come out wherever you are. how hard is it for sperm to find my damn eggs. I'm going to start drawing up maps and sticking them up there before we have sex if something doesn't happen soon.