So I've set down a few times now to try and write this post. Odd I know. Cause I'm not even sure what this post is about. I want to mention that as I described in writing the feeling of a miscarriage talking about the blood and the pain, I felt a sharp twinge in my uterus. I'm not sure if it was a cramp or something or if it was the baby taking a swing at me. I'm apparently not supposed to feel any movement yet, but I did a few weeks ago I think. It felt like a fluttering, gentle, kind of tickly inside almost. Very odd. But this time it was sharp and sudden and I don't know what it was. It didn't really feel like a normal cramp. Not like my menstrual ones or the kind I had with the miscarriage. It was quick too, it was over as soon as I stopped thinking about the miscarriage in such graphic detail.
I don't know what to think of it. Every cramp, every twinge, every everything has me worried that I may have done something to doom this little one growing inside me who I've grown so attached to. Saturday marked my passage into second trimester and I must say I seem to have changed over night literally. I went from hating C for no apparent reason to clinging to him like a koala, and humping him randomly in the middle of.. well everything. I'm all of a sudden more horny, more loveydovey and sweeter than a honeypot full of chocolate. I'm not sure if my emotions have evened out so much as have gone the entire opposite way. Which so far I am enjoying far more than the fighting and screaming over nothing at all.
Tonight we're celebrating C's little sister's 18th birthday. Which means she's legal, and they're going to be drinking and she's sleeping over. Which is all well and good. I'm having shirley temples which I'm actually fairly excited about. The only thing is C isn't off work until midnight and I'm already passing out, plus I have to work at 7am tomorrow.. so this should prove to be fun. I want to take a nap right now, but I need to shower, and I have to go add more time to the laundry in 10 minutes. which is a pissoff. All it did with my clothes was make them hot and wet. As opposed to cold and wet. Gee thanks. Why call it a dryer at all? Why not call it a heater. Not to mention the washer left suds on everything.
I seriously hope these are the only things I have to complain about over the next 6 months. Just suds and machines that don't work properly to do the menial tasks in life. I want to hang on to this ability to be annoyed by the little things. Instead of overwhelmed by the big things. Little plum you stay strong in there, stay alive for mommy and daddy, we'll give you lots of love when you're born. And if you're really good sweetie and you make it full term and come out alive and kicking and screaming mommy will give you a tutu and a pony and a fire truck and uhm.. a kitten? And chocolate pudding, and wagon wheels. Just pleeeease be alright!