Thursday, July 31, 2008

I Love You C

So today I am writing a post dedicated to the one dedicated to me.

I haven't had the best track record with relationships and neither has he. My last one was 5 years long and riddled with abuse. It wasn't so much the physical abuse, but more emotional, financial and isolation. A lot of people don't even realize they are being abused because they assume if it isn't physical then it isn't abuse. This is very untrue. I was one of those people. I was miserable with the man I was with, but I thought I "loved" him, and I was too scared to leave. He had isolated me from my friends and family, I had nowhere to go. If I moved out I'd be on the streets, he basically had me trapped. Until C came along. At that point I had had enough of my ex's controlling. When he told me I wasn't allowed to see or talk to my friend I told him it was my life and I'd do what I wanted to.

When we had that fight one night at 3am and he locked me out of the apartment who came to get me? C did. He's loved me and stood by me no matter what. When I broke my arm in half and had to have major surgery who spent the entire week in the hospital, sleeping half in a chair and half at the foot of my bed? C. He left only for work, and came back immediately after, he held my hand when I was scared, calmed me down whenever I was upset, gave me the courage to make it through. He took care of me when I couldn't do anything on my own, including bathe or pull up my pants or open doors.

And he opened my eyes to my abusive relationship. Not by forcing me to leave my ex, but by telling me that things weren't quite right. I realized it when I was doing research on something for him, I was looking up abuse and came across a list. It was "How to tell you're being abused" And as I read through this list I suddenly realized I could check off everything. The first thing I did was write C an email about it, and told him that I knew it was time to leave..

When I broke up with my ex I moved in with C and his room mates.. We fell in love and have been there ever since :P. It only made sense that after being there for each other for so long and being so dedicated to one another.

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Last night we went to the inlaws, and stayed a lot longer than I wanted to. I was cranky and tired when we finally left. I snapped at him and was just plain mean. I wasn't trying to be, but I was just so frustrated. And trust me, you spend 7 hours in a cloud of smoke (I HATE smoke. I make my parents go outside, but over there I can't. They just yell at you that it's their house.) and listening to his parents insult their children and each other and so on and so forth. I mean it wasn't all bad. There was icecream, and some of it was tame and uneventful. But really I would have been happier leaving much earlier than 9:30 at night. Especially since I had to work at 7 this morning.

Anyway we got home and I bitched and complained and was frustrated. He apologized and asked me what he could do to help me feel better. We spent the next 45 mins doing stretches and yoga in the living room in some gentle candle light, then he lovingly gave me a candle lit bath, dried me off and massaged my whole body.. Then we made love and fell asleep in each other's arms..

It sounds like I'm writing a cheesy romance novel I know. But it really happened exactly like that. So I just want to say thank you C, for everything you do for me. I never thought after such a horrible abusive relationship that I could be so happy with someone, and have someone who cares so much for me..

I love you.

2 comments:

Chuck said...

You're welcome babe, you deserve it:) after all you are carrying my baby.

niobe said...

Awwww.....