I know I shouldn't complain. I'm just having one of those days. I know I'm so lucky to have my family and Skyler is so wonderful and precious and beautiful. I don't dispute any of that. I'm just feeling a bit frustrated again that he's going to be 18 months in a few days and still won't stand on his own, let alone walk. He furniture cruises like crazy, which is wonderful, but it's been many many months now and he still hasn't made any progress towards walking. His PT suggested a bunch of different activities and I've been trying to do them with him, but the problem is he doesn't want to. And if you've ever tried to make a baby/toddler do something they don't want to do then you will know what I'm talking about here.
I don't want to force him to do anything before he's ready, and it will all come in good time I know this, he will walk and talk when he is ready to and not before. But as a mommy it's frustrating sometimes. We were standing in the store the other day and there was a little guy, about the same size as Skyler with his grama and mom. The grama says all excitedly to the mommy "Look! He's about to take his first few steps!" as the little guy heads towards Skyler. This little guy is standing perfectly on his own, not holding onto anything of course. I gush at how cute he is and ask how old and they tell me he is just about to turn one. And I think wow, I wish Skyler was standing on his own like that. Then we get to the register and the cashier says he's a big boy. I give my head a shake. "Come again?" She says he looks like a big boy. I inform her that he's actually quite small for his age and she asks how old he is. I tell her he's 18 months and she goes "oh, I thought he was 6 or maybe 8 months." Of course you did...
He only weighs 19 pounds with all his clothes on, he still won't say much aside from dada. He's not signing as much as he used to either. Maybe he's just hit a slump and his development will rocket up in a few months. I don't know. He is curious about his world and is engaged and exploring everything, but I'm just waiting for him to make those next steps. To start trying to communicate more and to walk on his own. I know he was born premature, and he's legally blind, I just have to give him time. I guess he's just not in a rush. I don't know why I feel the way I do. And I know it isn't right to want him to do things before he's ready. He will do it in time. I suppose I just hate that thing that all mothers do. They look at your child and go "My child was walking by 8 months. My child can speak in full sentences. My child solves complicated math equations." And even if you don't come across those parents you still find yourself looking at other babies and thinking "well if all those babies can do that why can't mine? Did I do something wrong? How am I failing my baby??"
I suppose I'm probably just feeling like this because I'm alone this weekend and it's Mother's day on Sunda. Chuck usually has Friday and Saturday off, but some other person booked off the whole weekend so now he has to work 12 days straight and I am left sitting at home by myself all night each night staring at the walls or trying to make Skyler eat something at dinner time, and snack time, and well every hour or so I try to get him to eat something. Tonight he managed to eat two and a half bites of his chicken, two tiny spoonfuls of yogurt and a cereal bar. I'm loading him up on milk and formula trying to make up for the fact that he still doesn't want to eat much of anything.
I apologize for all my whinging. I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe I will be able to celebrate all the accomplishments and all the things he CAN do instead of the things he can't. But I honestly think that once in a while we all need to take a few minutes to complain, to get our worries/concerns/annoyances/problems off our chest and maybe take the time to figure out a solution or to find a better way to look at the situation. I hope everyone takes the time to do the same when they need to.