Friday, May 7, 2010

Complaint Department

I know I shouldn't complain. I'm just having one of those days. I know I'm so lucky to have my family and Skyler is so wonderful and precious and beautiful. I don't dispute any of that. I'm just feeling a bit frustrated again that he's going to be 18 months in a few days and still won't stand on his own, let alone walk. He furniture cruises like crazy, which is wonderful, but it's been many many months now and he still hasn't made any progress towards walking. His PT suggested a bunch of different activities and I've been trying to do them with him, but the problem is he doesn't want to. And if you've ever tried to make a baby/toddler do something they don't want to do then you will know what I'm talking about here.

I don't want to force him to do anything before he's ready, and it will all come in good time I know this, he will walk and talk when he is ready to and not before. But as a mommy it's frustrating sometimes. We were standing in the store the other day and there was a little guy, about the same size as Skyler with his grama and mom. The grama says all excitedly to the mommy "Look! He's about to take his first few steps!" as the little guy heads towards Skyler. This little guy is standing perfectly on his own, not holding onto anything of course. I gush at how cute he is and ask how old and they tell me he is just about to turn one. And I think wow, I wish Skyler was standing on his own like that. Then we get to the register and the cashier says he's a big boy. I give my head a shake. "Come again?" She says he looks like a big boy. I inform her that he's actually quite small for his age and she asks how old he is. I tell her he's 18 months and she goes "oh, I thought he was 6 or maybe 8 months." Of course you did...

He only weighs 19 pounds with all his clothes on, he still won't say much aside from dada. He's not signing as much as he used to either. Maybe he's just hit a slump and his development will rocket up in a few months. I don't know. He is curious about his world and is engaged and exploring everything, but I'm just waiting for him to make those next steps. To start trying to communicate more and to walk on his own. I know he was born premature, and he's legally blind, I just have to give him time. I guess he's just not in a rush. I don't know why I feel the way I do. And I know it isn't right to want him to do things before he's ready. He will do it in time. I suppose I just hate that thing that all mothers do. They look at your child and go "My child was walking by 8 months. My child can speak in full sentences. My child solves complicated math equations." And even if you don't come across those parents you still find yourself looking at other babies and thinking "well if all those babies can do that why can't mine? Did I do something wrong? How am I failing my baby??"

I suppose I'm probably just feeling like this because I'm alone this weekend and it's Mother's day on Sunda. Chuck usually has Friday and Saturday off, but some other person booked off the whole weekend so now he has to work 12 days straight and I am left sitting at home by myself all night each night staring at the walls or trying to make Skyler eat something at dinner time, and snack time, and well every hour or so I try to get him to eat something. Tonight he managed to eat two and a half bites of his chicken, two tiny spoonfuls of yogurt and a cereal bar. I'm loading him up on milk and formula trying to make up for the fact that he still doesn't want to eat much of anything.

I apologize for all my whinging. I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe I will be able to celebrate all the accomplishments and all the things he CAN do instead of the things he can't. But I honestly think that once in a while we all need to take a few minutes to complain, to get our worries/concerns/annoyances/problems off our chest and maybe take the time to figure out a solution or to find a better way to look at the situation. I hope everyone takes the time to do the same when they need to.


Mrs. Spit said...

Sending love and hugs. You and Chuck are some of the best damn parents out there.

I have a pretty strong feeling that Skylar will do everything he needs to, when he needs to. He's a bright active little boy, and he's not going to let the world leave him behind.

Azaera said...

Thank you Mrs. Spit that means a lot to me.

Stacie said...

I'm sorry that you're feeling down. We all have moments of frustration. I had a huge one last night and feel terribly guilty for feeling so overwhelmed, stressed and down right pissy.

I hope you have a good weekend even if Chuck is working on Mother's Day.

And, maybe you will feel better by celebrating all the wonderful things that Sky does do considering he is legally blind and premature. He is one amazing little guy.

You are Chuck are fabulous parents!

Karen said...

You're a great mom. You're doing everything right. But he's not just your kid. He's his own person. It's up to him. You can help and encourage. You can influence his life. But he's the one who lives it.

That's the hardest part about being a mom. We want to be in control, but there's so much that's not up to us.

And just to help you feel better, I had a kid who walked early. She also threw fits so big that it drew crowds. And she screamed so loud (for absolutely no reason other than she was tired) that it gave her dad permanent hearing damage. I don't think that perfect kid exists.

Becky said...

You are a wonderful mother! You are doing everything you can do ensure that Skyler has a great start to his life. Derick reminds me when I get down of where Lily would be if I didn't advocate for her. It's scary to think that she could be so far behind.

I get aggravated by those other mother's that equate walking/talking/jumping early as the kid being a genius. We all know those parents. I saw on facebook yesterday a friend posted about her son rolling at 9 weeks and someone else posted about how smart he was. WTF? It has nothing to do with how smart a person is. It's nature. Kids naturally follow a certain set of milestones and as long as they hit them at some point everything is ok. It doesn't mean my child is not as smart as someone elses child because she didn't walk until she was 19mo. People assume that because Lily did things late or differently it wasn't because she isn't smart. Just like Sky. That really gets me and I can go on and on.

He might not be walking or standing on his own yet, but how often in the past few weeks have you changed a dirty diaper?

Mrs. Spit is right...he's not letting any grass grow under his feet!

jennohara said...

Oh my gosh! You sounds like the best mom that little Skyler could have possibly gotten! I know a little boy who was legally blind, like skyler and hanna, and he didn't walk until he was 3. Didn't even crawl until he was 2. He didn't talk until about 3 as well. Hanna doesn't talk hardly at all, either. She's walking now, but I think it has a lot to do with having other little ones motivating her to get up and run around with them. It's a scary place with limited vision! I can only imagine what our babies are feeling. I'm sure he will be running around before you know it! I know what it's like to have a toddler not want something. Have you tried a walking toy? Hanna walked all over the place with a cheap little walking toy, and it gave her the confidence to try it out on her own. Maybe that's all he needs?
Happy Mother's Day!! You deserve a nice relaxing day!