Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Progress? No? Okay..

Skyler is the same as ever, they have decided now that the max amount they want him bottling is 20mls, and only one attempt at bottle per shift. Annoying to me because he can take the whole thing, and I think if they are only doing 20mls they should do it more often than just once a shift. He can handle this. Apparently they don't think so, so he stays on nasal prongs, taking only 20mls of bottle once a shift, the rest is gavaged.

I'm hoping we get to bring him home sometime before he starts crawling or learns to walk. The stupid thing is in Canada or at least where I live he has to be completely off the air, and taking full feed by bottle all on his own. I've heard that in the states they can send you home with medical equipment and teach you how to use it. Here we have to wait until the baby is completely self sufficient. Better in some ways? Maybe. Less chance something will go wrong when he comes home, but it means him staying there for a stupid long amount of time which I don't like. He has horridly bright flourescent lighting in his eyes at all hours of the day and night, he is surrounded by a cacophony of beeping and shrill alarms going off nonstop, and a symphony of high pitched wailing from the other babies. Not to mention loud nurses and other visiting parents. It's no wonder they do a hearing test when babies have been in the NICU for a month or more. It's also no wonder that he is "so tired out" each day when they feed him, I can't imagine he is getting much sleep with all those distractions, would you sleep well under a bright light with nonstop noise?

I'm worried he will be confused at home, it will be quiet here. No beeping, no other babies crying, no bright flourescent lights.. What if he has a hard time adjusting? I have the most irrational fears.. I want badly to say when he comes home, but it feels like an eternity. It is one thing to have a date, a solid date, like January 16th. That is something to grasp onto, something to mark on the calendar, something I can count down to. But with everything up in the air, changing every day it is getting me very frustrated and it's hard to hold onto that hope of him coming home when every time I go see him they say "At least another 2-3 weeks." Well thanks people but that is what you told me last week and the week before that.

I know I have so much to be grateful for, he is alive! And he is getting hefty, he is already a solid 6 pounds 2 ounces. My little big boy! I am so proud. There are many other babies who have it much worse. I just wish progress was being made rather than this irritating stand still.

In much more delightful news I figured out a use for the baby lotion that I cannot use because I am lacking a baby. I put it on my hands last night (to see if it would be safe on a baby's sensitive skin, because mine is pretty sensitive) and amazingly enough it managed to smooth down some of the horrible crocodile skin I've gotten from washing with alcohol soap for the last month and a half. Who would have figured.


Mrs. Spit said...

well, there are lots of parents in the US who go home with pretty sick babies, and then disaster strikes. The decision to send babies home isn't based on science or medicine, but profit. It's cheaper for the HMO's to send babies home on monitors than give them care in NICU.

I know it seems forever. I think they are holding back on the bottles because they don't want to overdo it, and have him start having new problems.

It's so hard to wait, isn't it?

Amy said...

2009 will find him home with you, snug and cozy. I know the waiting is awful, but I'm so glad he's getting so big (relatively speaking) and strong!

She said...

You're doing GREAT! Keep hanging in there. I know it must be so awful and seem like an eternity, but I agree that he's safer in the hospital until they really think he's ready to go it alone. Once you get him home, he'll adjust to that lifestyle. All babies do. :)