Oh My

What do I deal with/think about in a typical day?
Where to start..

-Skyler: 3+ meds a day, low vision, prematurity, numerous appointments for said conditions.

-School: 2 hours of class on thursdays, exam next friday, studying

-Mom: arguments w/ dad, putting me in the middle, renovating the house, dealing w/ my brother

-Dad: arguments w/ mom, dealing with my aunt who's on chemo & dying, moving

-Brother: depressed/insane, sometimes suicidal, threatening to kill my dad

-C: spending money randomly on stuff we don't really need, & $200 speeding ticket + other various things.

-Friends: feeling left out and ignored by me

-Bills: car insurance an extra $300 bill to pay, plus all the other various debts laying around.

AND, wait for it, here's the big one

-Work: my family (the one I work for) has made the decision to move to Toronto in August.

They told me yesterday after work.. I am absolutely heartbroken. I've been with N for well pretty much her entire life. Every day, sometimes from 7am until midnight. Sometimes overnight too. I'm not sure what to do with myself now. I guess I'm going to open a home daycare or something when August rolls around. They told me they are going to write me numerous glowing letters of recommendation, and they and N will miss me so much. (And the mama had tears in her eyes as she told me.) They promised to come back and visit often. I've never really cried over losing a job before, but it's more than that to me.

It isn't just about losing my job. This was the very best job I've ever had. It's more than just a job. They have become my family. The sane people in a sea of crazies, the ones who have always been there for me to talk to, who believe the same things I do. Who have supported me and kept me going throughout the pregnancy and all the difficulties with Skyler. I feel like I'm losing a piece of my heart. My heart aches when I think of not seeing N every day. I wish them the very best in the whole world. They do deserve it, and so much more. They are wonderful people. But right now I am just sort of a mess. I need to sort my head out. I feel like I've got quite a bit going on, and I just need something.. But I'm not sure what it is yet.

One More Thing

You know how I was overwhelmed yesterday? Well N slept the afternoon, I left Skyler with C, and I was in the middle of getting my school work done when my mom called me. She says she just got a letter in the mail from the land titles office and my dad is staking a claim on the house. (Which is entirely in my mom's name. They were never technically married, they were common law. She put the down payment on the house before the two of them were together.) So now he is trying to fight her for the house. She called me, frantic, not knowing what to do. Telling me that her and my brother are going to be homeless etc. I told her to call a lawyer. She wants me to tell my dad to come and get the rest of his stuff. I have to be the one in between, because my mom doesn't want to talk to my dad and viceversa and my brother hates my dad and obviously they're not on speaking terms since the whole incident where my brother tried to kill my dad because he said he was moving out.

Oooh C just put on 21 Jumpstreet.. What was I saying?? Right, family blows. So I get off the phone with her and try to go back to my school work but now I can't concentrate on anything at all. So today I still have homework to do before my class tonight because I couldn't get back into the right mindset to finish it yesterday. Haha so much for being overwhelmed. I'm not even worried about our bills now. I'm more worried about my entire family being at war with each other. As much as I'd love to distance myself (remove myself in fact) from the whole situation I can't. Unfortunately I want my parents to be a part of my son's life, and that means talking to them. And talking to them means hearing about it. And hearing about it means being involved in it. *sigh*

So after work yesterday I took a nice long nap. I was exhausted and drained. And then at night Skyler decided he couldn't sleep so, I literally got about 5 minutes of sleep last night. It's a good thing I took that nap. I had wanted to go to the gym this morning, but I'm too tired to do much of anything now. I'd like to go back to sleep but I have to go to work in a couple of hours and I still have homework to do, and then I have class. I had intended to write a post about Skyler, but I think it will have to wait until I get some time.. I hope you all are faring better than I am at the moment.

As I keep telling myself: This too shall pass.