Friday, June 5, 2009

Oh My

What do I deal with/think about in a typical day?
Where to start..

-Skyler: 3+ meds a day, low vision, prematurity, numerous appointments for said conditions.

-School: 2 hours of class on thursdays, exam next friday, studying

-Mom: arguments w/ dad, putting me in the middle, renovating the house, dealing w/ my brother

-Dad: arguments w/ mom, dealing with my aunt who's on chemo & dying, moving

-Brother: depressed/insane, sometimes suicidal, threatening to kill my dad

-C: spending money randomly on stuff we don't really need, & $200 speeding ticket + other various things.

-Friends: feeling left out and ignored by me

-Bills: car insurance an extra $300 bill to pay, plus all the other various debts laying around.

AND, wait for it, here's the big one

-Work: my family (the one I work for) has made the decision to move to Toronto in August.

They told me yesterday after work.. I am absolutely heartbroken. I've been with N for well pretty much her entire life. Every day, sometimes from 7am until midnight. Sometimes overnight too. I'm not sure what to do with myself now. I guess I'm going to open a home daycare or something when August rolls around. They told me they are going to write me numerous glowing letters of recommendation, and they and N will miss me so much. (And the mama had tears in her eyes as she told me.) They promised to come back and visit often. I've never really cried over losing a job before, but it's more than that to me.

It isn't just about losing my job. This was the very best job I've ever had. It's more than just a job. They have become my family. The sane people in a sea of crazies, the ones who have always been there for me to talk to, who believe the same things I do. Who have supported me and kept me going throughout the pregnancy and all the difficulties with Skyler. I feel like I'm losing a piece of my heart. My heart aches when I think of not seeing N every day. I wish them the very best in the whole world. They do deserve it, and so much more. They are wonderful people. But right now I am just sort of a mess. I need to sort my head out. I feel like I've got quite a bit going on, and I just need something.. But I'm not sure what it is yet.


She said...

I'm so sorry. That's a very, very difficult thing for you to have to deal with amongst the many other issues you've got going on.

Stacie said...

Goodness, I am so very sorry to hear that N and her family are moving. I hope you all keep in close contact afterwards.

I wish you didn't have so much to deal with at one time. I hope things settle down and start looking up...SOON.

Also, I hope even more than you can find the "thing" that you need right now.

Just like your blog title, "Taking it Day by Day".

Ya Chun said...

That's too bad that you and N will be ripped from each other's lives.

This might be the thing though that gives you a new opportunity.

I am wondering if you would move to Toronto? You could get away from the crazies that way.