7 Days

In 7 days he'll be a month old.. And to think he's spent the entire first month in the hospital. /Sigh.

So things have been about the same. He is too "immature" (their word not mine) to come home any time soon. In other words he needs to start breathing on his own without the oxygen tube and without the desats, and then he also needs to be taking full feeds by mouth (not the tube that is currently down his nose to his stomach) before they will even consider discharge.

The nurse tonight said the earliest would be Jan 1st, if he smartens up and starts breathing on his own etc. Last time they weighed him it turned out he had lost weight so they added protein to his breastmilk on top of the human milk fortifier. Hopefully that will cause him to start gaining again..

The nurse tonight was great, she went through the list of stuff we need to know before baby comes home. Even though it won't be for a while yet, she said she wanted to get most of it done so that when he is ready to come home we won't have to wait days just for them to go over the list. (It's like a take your baby home instruction thing..) She told us a whole bunch of crap I already know, which was fine because I explained that I take care of a baby for a living and she was totally understanding and said that I must have lots of experience with all this stuff.

She also (when going over the breastfeeding/milk expression thing) said that I clearly have no problem with my milk production (as she gestured towards the 5 filled containers of milk I pumped this morning). So yay +100 points for the nurse whose name I have already forgotten. Anyway she also let me nurse Skyler! I hadn't held him in like 5 days up until yesterday when I got to hold him for a tube feed. This time, even though he is intubated she let me put him to breast while she poured the feed down the tube, just so he could suck and get full at the same time. She said it was good because I had just pumped while there before his feeding. So he wasn't going to get extra milk or choke on it or anything, and this way he could at least learn to associate the full feeling in his tummy with mommy's boob. (I'm sure she said nursing or something and not "mommy's boob" but whatever)

Yep so we're in it for the long haul. Oh and another baby went home today. I haven't talked about that yet, but it makes me hopeful and sad all at the same time. We've been in Pod 4 the longest and you have no idea how many babies I have seen come and go in the last 3 weeks. Damn happy people taking home their baby after a few days... ugh. I wish I was them so bad. As I watched a couple tonight buckle their little one into a carseat and happily cart him off home I stared back at my baby and wondered desperately if that would ever be us. It doesn't feel like it. January is so far away.. Screw christmas and screw presents I just want my baby. That's it.

Oh I know, I know "It will all pass so quickly. He'll be home before you know it.." etc etc blah blah blah. I know people are trying to help but it gets tedious hearing that from my parents and whoever and then the nurses saying yeah he's going to be here at least another 4-6 weeks. It's like how is time passing quickly? I've been doing this for 3 weeks already and it feels like it's been 3 years. I swear there's some sort of time flux in the NICU that makes it seem like it's even longer than it really is. (There's also this one broken clock in his pod that changes time but is never the correct time, it's batteries are half dead or something and it ticks on ever so slowly. This only adds to my time flux theory) So if someone would like to tell me that time is passing by quickly I will have to say sorry but I don't believe you. When you come home to an empty crib every night and spend every other hour pumping milk for a baby that isn't anywhere in sight time doesn't go by so fast.

Oh and to make things exciting, baby and I apparently have thrush! Yay nipple pain for mommy and horrible diaper rash for baby. It's from the antibiotics they gave me in labour and him when he was born. Ugh. I'm now taking probiotics to try and combat that lovely holiday present. They're using nystatin and zinc on his bum. Hopefully it will clear up soon..

I know when all is said and done I will come home with a living squirming baby. And that makes this eternally long soul sucking torture all worth it.