More School!

I'm sitting here listening to the Galaxy Classical Music channel on tv and it tells you what the song name is and the artist. And I'm reading them thinking to myself "Antonin Dvorak! I know that guy from Little Einst.eins!" Wow. I'm not sure who's learning more from watching the baby shows on tv me or the kids. Beautiful music though, I've always had an appreciation for classical music and Skyler loves it. He fell asleep in his swing listening to it so if it soothes my baby to sleep it's fine by me. I love the Galaxy Music Channels. My favourite are the Nature channel and the New Age/Instrumental Channel. I'm guessing if you're in the states you probably have no clue what I'm talking about since they're broadcasted by the CBC. (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation)

So it's rainy and extremely windy today. When I woke up this morning there was sunshine so I figured the storm from the last couple days had blown over and maybe we could go to the zoo or take a walk with the stroller, but alas mother nature was just teasing me. However I love the rain so I can't complain too much. Nature absolutely fascinates me. I have the utmost respect for it. I can't wait until Skyler is a bit older and able to explore the world outdoors and have fun learning everything there is to learn about it.

Speaking of my tiny little one growing up so darn fast, he's decided he wants to walk now! His balance is still quite shaky so he holds onto my hands and he tends to wobble quite a bit but he takes step after step after step without falling down and it just amazes me. Adjusted his age is only 5 months. I'm pretty sure most babies don't walk at 5 months even with help. Also he stands on his own. He has a toy car that helps babies learn to walk, he grabs onto the steering wheel and just stands there while I sit behind him and make sure he doesn't fall. It's crazy. Oh and he loves his exersaucer now! He's finally tall enough to stand in it all by himself without a pillow underneath him. He stands there and plays with his toys contentedly. Sometimes I put on Little Einst.eins and he just goes crazy, playing with his toys and jumping excitedly.

Here's a picture of him in his swing right now taking a nice little nap. Don't mind the blur, the swing was obviously moving when I took the shot.

Oh and now I remember the real reason I wanted to post! I applied for classes at Hadley School for the Blind! I'm so excited. The courses are free if you're blind or a family member of someone who is blind. I applied for the "Learning Through Play" course which is the same as I'm taking in school right now except it's focused on blind babies!! You have no idea how excited I am. It's an 8 month course, with assignments that need to mailed in and marked by a professor and you get a final grade when it's all done and if you pass you get your certificate. I had been asking around and wasn't able to find anything to do with my ECE and blind babies until now. I'm finally going to learn the best way to stimulate his play and help him explore his world. I'm just waiting to hear back if my application has been approved. I'll keep you posted.

1000 Words

Yay For New Laptop!

Yay for the new laptop! And for getting $75 off and a free Rogers mobile stick which I will never use. And yay for best friends who pay for half of it!

I haven't slept in two days. The first one Skyler kept me awake all night, the second was a trip to the ER for an asthma attack, poor smoulder. They didn't want to figure out what was wrong with her, she was stuck there until 6am. I went home at 4 and attempted to get some sleep but of course Skyler didn't want to sleep. I'm slightly headachey right now. I managed a two hour nap when I got from work, but it just isn't cutting it.

Yesterday my dad opened the pool finally and we went swimming and it was fantastic! I can't wait to go again tomorrow. I'm sure I have lots more to write but can't think right now. Brain is shut off. Oh the family drama plot thickens. I'm not sure I want to talk to either my mom or my brother anymore.. It's starting to look like it might be a good idea to cut them out of my life.

Bedtime routine with Skyler is working so wonderfully! We take our bath together, feed him, and then put him in the crib and he is out like a light. His teeth are coming in though, and occasionally he will wake up and fuss while madly chewing his fingers. Tonight he actually figured out how to splash the water!! It was adorable, he loved doing it and managed to get himself good in the face a bunch of times with the water.

I found a copy of the book Angels & Demons by Dan Brown at work, and started reading it while N was asleep. It's the one the movie is based on, and I must say I'm actually getting quite into it. I also timed my reading just out of curiosity. I read 414 pages in less than 3 hours. I took a reading speed test once when I was in highschool I think I read 400 words per minute back then. Not sure what I'm at now though.

Anyway you all need a new pic of my Skyler guy cause he's getting so big, I'll come back and add one as soon as I upload some onto my new lappy. Oh and I got my medic alert bracelets!

Moto Moto

Apparently moto moto means hot hot. At least that's what the zebra on Madagascar 2 tells me. If you've never seen that movie, it's hilarious. At least to me, someone who has watched so many mundane kid's movies hundreds of times over, and most of them are boring as hell. I've watched madagascar 2 hundreds of times now and still laugh at the funny parts. I think that may mean my brain is broken. Anyway, today was another lovely scorching hot day. My dad's pool is still not ready to swim in. He's just about given up on doing it himself and is about to call the pool guys. Which will be like $400. Ouch.

So we were over there for a little while this morning, and then stopped at the store on the way home and grabbed some sandwich meat and stuff for lunch. When we got home we discovered the fridge had stopped working, the milk was spoiled and everything else was on its way there. Somehow though the fridge freezer is still working. It's odd because we got a new fridge only a week ago, it shouldn't be having problems already. We called the landlord and they said we'd have to wait until monday, I'm guessing fridge repair guys don't like working weekends.

Skyler was so annoyed from the heat, and was fussing a bit. He was quite dirty too, hasn't had a good bath in a while because everytime we bathe him he just screams his little head off, and it's a fight to get anything washed. So when we got home from being out in the sauna-like weather all morning I ran a nice cool bath. I undressed both of us and got in the tub with him. I tried putting his little feet into the water, and he screamed. It wasn't too cold, but in comparison to the temperature we were already at it probably seemed pretty cold. So I put him on my lap instead and nursed him while gently sprinkling cool water over him. He loved it. And most importantly I managed to get him clean! Finally! Once he finished feeding I sat him up in the water, and slowly emerged his bum and his legs. He loved it, he was splashing and smiling and laughing. Best bath ever. I'll probably bathe with him everytime if it's going to be that much fun.

Apparently C wants me to let you know how awesome he is. So, C is awesome. He just finished washing the dishes, and he cooled a drink in the freezer for me so I wouldn't have to drink hot grape soda. Haha. He also made me an egg sandwich. So yes, he is very awesome.

This afternoon I managed to finish five scrapbook pages, all of N. I studied my spanish grammar for a while (it gets rusty from time to time, without much use for Spanish up here in Canada.) I played a bit on the piano while Skyler played his little piano (So cute!) right by me. And I played the Sims 3 for a little while. I love the Sims. I've had every Sims game since the first one, and all the expansions. If you're into those kind of games I definitely recommend it. But I warn you it's very addictive, prepare to disappear for a while into your computer.

N's family is moving out of their house tomorrow. They're going to be staying at Grandma's for the next month while they look for a place in Toronto. I'm sad of course, this means there's only one month left before she's gone. I cry everytime I think that I won't get to be there for her third birthday. Though I cry a lot thinking about her leaving. Also I'm pretty sure I'm having some sort of hormonal flux at the moment so it could be from that too. I actually burst into tears yesterday staring at Skyler. I just started thinking about how small he was when he was born, and how much he's grown and how strong he is and so on and so forth and I just started crying. C was laughing at me because he knows I'm either ovulating or pmsing or something. Then I couldn't stop crying and laughing at the same time. It was great.

Do yourself a favour and go watch this video.. LOL.

Update

Life carries on. Parents break up is definitely not going very well. My mom keeps trying to drag me into it and I'm almost completely convinced that she has lost her mind and is as far gone as my brother. My dad doesn't want me dragged into it, and so I'm finding myself spending more time with him and less with her. This bothers her but I don't care. We had a "family" meeting on Wednesday (sans brother of course) and she went crazy, my dad left angry and I stayed behind and finally told her exactly how I feel and why. She responded with well insanity and histrionics. Going to the extremes and saying that I hate her forever now, and she might as well just sell the house and move to another province. Sigh.

Computer still broken, but C managed to recover all my files!! HUGE sigh of relief there. He's the best I tell ya. So I've been printing lots of my pictures and scrapbooking like crazy.

Summer has FINALLY hit, and it's hitting us hard. The last week has been in the 30s, and Skyler and C are not exactly enjoying it. I think I can stand the hit a bit better than they can. They've both been a bit crankier than usual. C's been working on my dad's pool. He moved into a nice house not too far from us with a big in ground pool, but it hasn't been maintained and now it's taking a while to get it open. I can't wait until we can go swimming.

Sky had numerous appointments today. His vision specialist came, and evaluated him. He is doing fantastic. She can see marked improvement in his focus, attention, interest, and tracking. All good news on that front. After that we took him to his appt with the nurse practitioner. Where we found out he has grown quite a bith lengthwise, but has only gained TWO ounces in the last month. This is very disappointing. And made me feel like a crappy mom. I just don't get it, he's been eating all the time. She asked me if I was giving him too much cereal and not enough breastmilk, but he only gets cereal once a day, and sometimes not at all if we forget or are in a hurry. Anyway now I feel like I'm not nourishing my child enough.. Sigh.

Sky is seven months old today, I'm so amazed and proud of him. He's such a wonderful, strong, amazing boy. I'm very lucky to be his mommy. Here's hoping you all are faring well. I'm going to try to catch up on some of your posts.

Nowhere Land

So I haven't posted in a while. Guess why?? My life gets better every day, it's like a barrel of monkeys over here.

My laptop kicked the bucket! No idea why either, the screen flickered, flickered, and then died. At first I thought video processor overheat, or board malfunction. Which makes sense, but C took out my hard drive to recover all my files (since theoretically if it's just the video processor or the main board the hard drive would be unaffected) well it's fried too. And every single picture and video of Skyler is on there, and all the pictures and videos of N too. I have an external drive where some of my stuff is backed up, but it's only got the stuff from before Skyler was born. C is going to do everything he can to try to recover the files. But yeah I must admit I'm slightly freaked. I'm borrowing C's laptop for the moment.

And the other night my mom called me to bitch about her life. She barely asked how I was doing and I told her not so great my laptop died, so she says oh that sucks, and then launches into this long tirade about my brother and how he was so depressed the other day so she took him furniture shopping. And then she starts in on my dad and how evil he is. So I said something and she turned on me. Said I was on his side, and all this other random bs. I, having had a shitty day to begin with, burst into tears. So then she apologizes and says she's just stressed out because of my dad, and says she shouldn't be involving me in it, which I said no you shouldn't. I didn't want to talk about this. So she's sorry and whatever, but then immediately after, starts bitching about it again! I told her I had to go for supper and basically hung up.

Then I texted my dad and essentially told on her. Because I know he doesn't want me involved. He called me back and said not to listen to her and if she's having problems she knows his phone number and she should just call him. He said to just tell her that I'm not going to discuss it with her and then tell her to call my dad. It's just one thing after another. I'm ready to rip out my hair. And of course there is even more drama going on, but I don't feel like talking about it at the moment, nor do I have time since I have to leave for work.

I hope you all are doing much better than I am right now. Sigh.

Oh My

What do I deal with/think about in a typical day?
Where to start..

-Skyler: 3+ meds a day, low vision, prematurity, numerous appointments for said conditions.

-School: 2 hours of class on thursdays, exam next friday, studying

-Mom: arguments w/ dad, putting me in the middle, renovating the house, dealing w/ my brother

-Dad: arguments w/ mom, dealing with my aunt who's on chemo & dying, moving

-Brother: depressed/insane, sometimes suicidal, threatening to kill my dad

-C: spending money randomly on stuff we don't really need, & $200 speeding ticket + other various things.

-Friends: feeling left out and ignored by me

-Bills: car insurance an extra $300 bill to pay, plus all the other various debts laying around.

AND, wait for it, here's the big one

-Work: my family (the one I work for) has made the decision to move to Toronto in August.

They told me yesterday after work.. I am absolutely heartbroken. I've been with N for well pretty much her entire life. Every day, sometimes from 7am until midnight. Sometimes overnight too. I'm not sure what to do with myself now. I guess I'm going to open a home daycare or something when August rolls around. They told me they are going to write me numerous glowing letters of recommendation, and they and N will miss me so much. (And the mama had tears in her eyes as she told me.) They promised to come back and visit often. I've never really cried over losing a job before, but it's more than that to me.

It isn't just about losing my job. This was the very best job I've ever had. It's more than just a job. They have become my family. The sane people in a sea of crazies, the ones who have always been there for me to talk to, who believe the same things I do. Who have supported me and kept me going throughout the pregnancy and all the difficulties with Skyler. I feel like I'm losing a piece of my heart. My heart aches when I think of not seeing N every day. I wish them the very best in the whole world. They do deserve it, and so much more. They are wonderful people. But right now I am just sort of a mess. I need to sort my head out. I feel like I've got quite a bit going on, and I just need something.. But I'm not sure what it is yet.

Thursday's Random Rant

I meant to write about this a long time ago, but forgot of course so I'm doing it now.

So, last week we went to the mall near my parents place (It's right across the street from the highschool I went to, so I pretty much grew up there) and it's seriously a mall for elderly people. They bring them in by the busload (I kid you not). Anyway Skyler got hungry, so I sat down on a bench and pulled out the blankets and I covered us both up so that nothing was visible except his feet poking out. Well let me tell you I got some very nasty looks. But me being me, I was oblivious. Let them stare. As another special needs parents wrote in his book "Stare stare booger bear, take a picture I don't care!" It honestly doesn't bother me that people stare or give me nasty looks. I was fully covered, if they have a problem with me feeding my child too bad.

C however, was very uncomfortable with all the random passersby glaring at me. He went off to look in a customizable t shirt store close by, so I finished up feeding him and sat him up to burp him. And I swear I got just as many dirty looks from people while I wasn't breastfeeding. C came back and I told him he should just go get me a shirt that says "I'm 10 years older than you think I am!" I swear I get so many dirty looks because people think I'm a teenage mom. I've been told more times than I can count that I look like I'm 12 or 14. And I actually got ID'd (basically) over the phone. Twice! People asking me "Are you sure you're over 18? You sound young.." Like really. You call me to sell me something, ask to speak to my parents and doubt my age, like just go away I don't want what you're selling anyway.

And I'm definitely not getting all freaked out about people pointing and staring because we have a lot more of that coming when Skyler is older and learning to get around on his own with low vision.

Okay, rant over I swear! Haha. Feel free to have your own Random Rant!

He Reached For Me!!

Wow, so this past weekend was slightly busy. Friday we cleaned the apartment and then went to my mom's place for a bit, then to C's parents for dinner. Saturday woke up and said "We should go somewhere today, so C said okay, lets go on a little roadtrip. So we decided to explore and go somewhere we'd never been before. We looked online and printed out some maps and headed out to the old Pinawa dam. It's 2 hours away from the city. We had a great time. I didn't think an old decommisioned dam would be such a cool place to visit but we ended up having a wonderful time. We brought sandwiches and ate at a picnic table before going hiking around the dam.

We had a great time, I can't wait for our next adventure.

I have to pause my train of thought now to tell you Skyler is on my lap and he just reached up and grabbed my arm!! (which is over his head because I'm typing) Not exciting if you have a normal baby I'm sure, but for a mommy of a low vision/blind baby it's thrilling I assure you. This means he saw my arm!! His focus is getting so much better and he is definitely seeing some things close up.

Sunday we were supposed to go to the teddy bear's picnic, but it ended up being cold and rainy and nasty out. So instead we babysat for our friends who are moving. They needed someone to watch their son while they packed and transfered everything from the old house to the new one. He's only a couple months older than Skyler (Sky is 6 and A is 8) and he's already walking. N walked at about 8 or 9 months too so I'm not super surprised, but it was fun to watch a baby who is a little more active. Skyler will probably develop a bit slower with his difference in vision, and being premature.

The only problem was A is at the age where they develop attachments, and he became stuck to me like glue and wouldn't let me out of his sight for 2 seconds without screaming his head off. It was cute, funny and annoying all at the same time. It amuses me somewhat because Skyler is not like that at all (mind you he isn't at that age yet, but) he is completely comfortable being held by anyone. On occasion he will protest especially if he is hungry then he wants me.

I'm really excited about Skyler's vision developing, he's surprising us all with how much he can see. He's still technically legally blind of course, but if things are close enough (like a foot away or less) he is starting to focus on them more instead of his eyes just wandering around in his head like they used to. His nystagmus is almost gone as well. I can always tell when his eyes are tired though because he starts to go cross eyed and sometimes has a bit of nystagmus if he's trying to focus. The fact that he saw something today and reached for it has me positively giddy! Especially since it was my arm. He's never done that before. Normally he finds my arms by waving his hands around until he smacks into me.

Oh and it's C's birthday tomorrow. Not sure what I'm going to do for that, but I can guarantee there will be cake.