That's right, ten days from now I'll get to hear the heartbeat, supposedly. After I popped (belly got huge overnight) last week I went to my baby and me class and I'm almost as big as a friend who is 21 weeks along. I'm thinking I've been eating too much unhealthy food, but my mom is convinced I am having twins. While I would be happy with twins, I'm feeling like it'll be a disappointment when everyone finds out that no, I am just fat. I guess I'll know on the 30th when I go for my next prenatal. They'll be discussing the results of the blood tests, doing the internal exam (blahh) and all that lovely stuff.
I got a letter in the mail telling me that my ultrasound is on Aug 29th and to drink 1 cup of water and not empty my bladder. Screw you guys, I can't sleep through an entire night without peeing 5 times, in fact I can't go like 15 minutes without peeing, how about you drink the water and I'll push down on your stomach.
Yesterday C and I were driving and Ordinary Day came on the radio (Sophie's song) I turned it up as loud as it would go, sang as loud as I could and pretty much sobbed my little eyes out. I must say I have been doing a lot of crying lately. Probably the hormones. Pretty much everything is making me cry, I can't read most of your blogs without crying, but I have to read them anyway, they are beautifully written, and remind me of the important things in life.
Speaking of such things, I got pet tadpoles on the weekend, which I am having the best time with. Watching them grow and develop is amazing, it reminds me that even though I can't see it, my baby is doing the same thing right now inside me.. Oh and don't worry I haven't touched them.. as my mom is sure that if I even breathe near them I will cause something to happen to me or the baby.. And people wonder why I'm paranoid and think I am killing my baby all the time. Thanks mom.
C and I are moving at the end of this month, and we still don't know if we have this apartment yet, which if we find out we don't then we are pretty much up shitcreek without a paddle, because we'll have like a week to find somewhere.. Lovely. I love it when people jerk me around. We've been looking pretty hard, but most places require a dmg deposit up front before they tell you if you have the apartment, and we gave it to this one place, and lets be honest we don't have enough money to throw around to give every place we look at a dmg deposit.
We're in the midsts of packing and it sucks. I'm happy to be going through all of the things I bought for Sophie, and I think of how she was supposed to use them, and if this baby is born am I going to feel weird putting them on her or him. (I think it's a her, if the dreams are any indication) I mean I'm happy because I'm pregnant again, and the stuff might get some use. But I am sad because it was supposed to be hers. I mean it's not like she can feel sibling rivalry or think she is being replaced which I don't think she is. But Nemo's due date is the day Sophie died, and now I am giving Nemo all of Sophies stuff. I'm trying to think of it as handmedowns and maybe Sophie would be happy to know that the blanket I spent months crocheting for her is going to good use.. and her onesies and so on.
On the other hand I'm still in the danger zone so I know I am getting months and months ahead of myself assuming that this baby will even survive to need this stuff.
Ugh why can't I just be naive and enjoy all this heartburn and peeing?