So I've decided it's time to slow down a moment, and write a well thought out post, and possibly make it coherent for a change. Honestly you'd never know it, but I am quite a good writer. The problem is that I write stories, novels and poems, all sorts of things filled with emotion and tantalizing descriptions. So I tend to get lazy with things like blog posts, just randomly ambling through them, not holding myself to the same standards as I do with my creative writing. Although I suppose blogging could be a form of creative writing.
There have been numerous times that I have wanted to post some of my works here, but due to people like anonymous (untrustworthy people lurking around who aren't here for any of the right reasons) I just can't bring myself to do it for fear of it being stolen and me finding out later that it's been published somewhere under another person's name. I know I am probably being paranoid, but it's happened to me before.
I'm starting to re-evaluate my life again. Wondering what's going to happen next. I mean a baby, that's a big life change, it not only changes my life, but it entirely changes who I am as a person. So far I've only been focusing on what happens when it dies, but now it occurs to me, what happens when it lives? I mean I have so many plans for how we're going to raise this baby, and I know how much I already love this baby.. but it's still a huge change. I'll no longer be a myself, just a woman, I will be a mother first. My priorities will change, baby first, then my needs. I knew all these things going into it, it is just starting to seem more real. Though I know I'm nowhere near being in the clear, and things can still go horribly wrong, it seems like maybe it's time to think about these things.
I wish I could share this beautiful poem I wrote for Sophie with you all. I'm torn because it's very personal and in this respect I understand even more why clc took down Hannah, because it's the same way I feel about this poem for my baby girl. It's something so personal and intimate that if someone like that (anon) were to read it and leave comments taunting me, well it would be like me leaving my bleeding heart lying in the dirt for someone to kick around and pour sand on.