Thursday, May 29, 2008

Revolving Door To The Universe

It seems in my life that when one family member is about to make an exit, (the eternal one where they don't come back, at least not as the same person) that another one is about to make an entry. I bring this up because I just found out that my nana had a stroke yesterday. We don't know how bad it is yet, they are still running tests. But I do know that she is 81 years old, and smokes and takes a lot of prescription drugs for lots of different ailments. So I'm not too sure just how long she has left on her meter.

When I was 11 my grama died of cancer, later that same year my baby cousin was born. It seemed to me (at that tender age anyway) that one leaves, and another one enters. I'm wondering if this theory will hold true again this time around. Is my nana going to pass on? And is my baby possibly going to live and be born afterwards? I don't know and time will tell I guess. For now I am hoping that I will get to go to the hospital with my dad after work to see my nana. And at least try to make my peace in case she doesn't make it. I'm not too sure what I will say since it's been about two years since I last saw her or spoke to her.

I've decided to do something therapeutic for myself. I started writing letters to my embryo. I've accepted that this baby may live, or it may die, and in either case I want it to be clear that I love it all the same, and that it is a part of me. And so I'm writing to Nemo, so that I have something to look back on when I am not pregnant, and a way to remember everything I felt about this little being growing inside me. I'm trying to write the letters with the assumption that the baby will survive. I'm going to try to keep all that mushy gushy crap over there so that this can be a place to talk more about how I feel about sophie and other things like that. So if anyone wants to read the letters to the baby the link is on the side of the page called Letters To Nemo.


Anonymous said...

My Aunt died on March 18th this year. The baby will be born in December. it was conceived within 10 days of her death. I truly believe that when someone dies, someone is born as well.

Becky said...

I believe that too. When I was 12 my grandmother died and my little cousin was born that October. Now I'm pregnant and my aunt is very, very sick with cancer and not expected to make it through the summer. It's weird.

Yeah, you read my dream about my grandmother. She said that my great-grandfather was trying to decide if he wanted to stay there or come back here. It freake me out, and now I'm expecting a baby that looks like him!

Antigone said...

This is one of those times when I wish I believed in Hinduism.

Azaera said...

Weird isn't it? I didn't know that others thought the same things.. Just seemed like something I thought up when I was a kid to make the pain easier.. Maybe it was.. Or maybe there's some truth to it, who knows..

Hopeful said...

My aunt died in april and my cousin had her baby in may this year. I hope your Nana makes it, but i also hope Nemo Makes it.