Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Wow Wrong Yet Again

So it turns out it wasn't insane random morning sickness, I had a flu or something, unless morning sickness is extremely contagious. Because C, and the baby I work with, and her mom all got it right after me. Ugh.. so.. strong little one I hope it is, because now I'm paranoid that whatever I just caught could have irrepairably damaged the embryo. Wonderful. I feel like such a fool now too.. I'm sorry universe was I being too optimistic, thinking it was morning sickness? You had to knock me down a peg, ok whatever, thanks for putting me in my place.

C and I decided last night that we're going to believe in this baby, and start acting like those innocent people who think every baby lives. I've already gotten too attached to it. And everyone keeps telling me, negative begets negative or something. Self fulfilling prophecy, if I'm sure the baby won't make it, then it probably won't make it. So I am going to try to put my blinders on. But I don't think this is going to be easy for me at all. It's hard to block out the truth, and pretend like bad things don't happen when I know for a fact that they do.. But if having a positive attitude means keeping my baby alive then I will try my best. It will probably hurt all the more if the baby doesn't make it.. but I'll do what I have to do..

I love you baby, whether you live or not. I'm your mommy and I always will be.


CLC said...

Good for you and your positive attitude. I hope you succeed in keeping the blinders on. Gosh, I wish we could all have blinders the next time around.

Antigone said...

I try. It's ridiculously difficult though.

When do you go back in for a u/s?