My Dear Daughter

Dear Sophie,

Yesterday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, and I feel like I should have written something about you, but the truth is I think of you everyday. Every time I see the picture of your flowers that hangs above our bed. Every time I look at your little brother's toes. I think about you every day when I log onto my computer and write a post in my blog. You were the reason I started writing this. I'm sorry it's turned into so much about your brother. I wish you could be here too. I wish he could get to know you, and you could teach him all sorts of naughty things the way big sisters do.

I know that you know I miss you, and will always love you. And some days I see children who are two and I wonder what you would be doing now. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I hadn't lost you. Completely different I'm sure. Perhaps I would still believe in the fairytale pregnancy where nothing goes wrong ever, and everyone has a perfect little baby when their nine months are up. Perhaps I'd have a different job, maybe your dad and I would be trying for our second right about now. I just don't know. It's probably pointless to speculate, but I suppose it's how I deal with losing you. By remembering that my life just wouldn't be the same. That there was some twist of fate at some point. We were going to have our first baby, and then suddenly we weren't.

Sophie I know you will always be an important part of my life, and your daddy's and your brother's too. We love you and we miss you, and in my mind every day is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance day.