Friday, February 27, 2009

Skyler My Monster

Wow, it's been a while, where did the time go?

Skyler has been keeping us on our toes. Sleeping all day being the world's easiest baby, and then as soon as nightfall hits he is the nonstop screamfest baby from a horror flick. I'm relatively sure that last sentence made no sense whatsoever, but I can't remember what sleep is like so it will have to do. He literally will scream bloody murder from sundown to sun up and then go back to being Mr. HappySleepsALot. I'm pretty sure it's been bad gas or something making him act this way. It has only been 2-3 days, but it feels like an eternity when your baby is upset and you can't sleep. If I didn't have to work I would sleep when he does during the day, but unfortunately I'm taking care of him and N.

But hey it's Friday now, so it's officially the weekend for me. I love working Monday to Thursday. This morning Sky and I have a Mommy & Me Workshop to go to with my friend S and her baby boy A. The class is called Coping With Change. I read the booklet and was suprised at how I just don't feel any of that stuff. It lists things like post partum depression and anxiety.. I'm finding I've had no problem adjusting to Skyler being here, it's like he was meant to be here all along. I don't doubt my parenting, not for a second, and I'm not anxious anymore. At least not as much as when I was pregnant with him. Now that he is here safely it feels like I can relax a little. I mean of course I am constantly weighing him and measuring him because I need physica proof that he is still growing on his own. (If he stops growing we have to call the endocrinologist for a series of tests and get him started on growth hormones.) But aside from that I'm pretty well adjusted if I do say so myself.

Yesterday Ordinary Miracle came on the radio while I was changing Sky's diaper. I posted this like forever ago, but Ordinary Miracle was Sophie's song. And as I was changing him I started singing it, and I told him "that's your sister's song" It felt strange to hear those words coming out of my mouth. Strange, but right, he does have a sister, even if she is only ethereal. And we will talk about her. I want him to know about miscarriages and stillbirth, and the ugly side of life. Wow that makes me sound like a horrible parent doesn't it? That's not how I mean to come across. I mean I want him to know that having a baby is not just something that magically happens to people and that life is not always simple and easy. Maybe it will soften the blow for him, I don't know. There is something I have not discussed on here before, because I worried it may violate my son's privacy, but it affects me too. Perhaps I will say it like this, if Sky is to be my only child then I will never have biological grandchildren.

It has to do with his hormones. He will be normal in everything else, but he is going to be completely infertile. Forever. C keeps saying he hopes our son is gay because then he's less likely to want a biological child.. It's going to be a fun thing to tell him when he is a teenager and takes health class or biology class. I'm going to be completely honest with him I have decided already. It's his body and he needs to know all about it and how it works, at least as much as we know about it anyway.

I've been reading the blog of a father of a little girl lately. He wrote a book about her called Schuyler's Monster (Schuyler is the original spelling of the name Skyler). His daughter has a rare neurological disorder that makes her mute and will likely cause seizures when she's older. I'm waiting for my library to have copies of the book in and then I'm going to read it. He talks about how difficult it is to be a parent to a "special needs" kid. But he isn't one of those cutesy lovey dovey people who sugarcoat the whole thing. He is head over heels in love with his daughter and finds her to be the most amazing, strong person. You have to read his writing to understand it, but it makes me feel like I can do this.

5 comments:

Antigone said...

Mine did the same for a few days. I really think it was gas. I'm still supplementing with formula and once I changed brands his nighttime screaming ceased.

Skyler has amazing parents.

Never Clever said...

I'm not really sure what to say: that's really unfortunate about Sky's infertility. At the very least, you have a while before you have talk with him about it. You're a strong woman and mother - you will do fine.

I didn't realize that he had to measured and weighed often. Sounds like you're on top of it!

I only decided a few months ago that I would someday tell Laney about my first miscarriage. I'm not sure when a good time is, but it will be when she's much older (of course).

Awake said...

The anxiety, the worry...good riddance hon. You have had enough.

Amy said...

I struggle with the thought of telling my little girl about my miscarriage. I want her to know at some point, but I don't ever want her to feel like if I could I would have chosen Aiden over her, and if I'd carried Aiden to term, she wouldn't be here. I don't know what age that's an appropriate concept to grapple with.

I know you'll help Skyler deal with his own infertility when the time comes, and I'm so glad he's growing well on his own!

She said...

Sounds like Skyler is exceeding your expectations across the board. That's great.
If anyone will be able to explain his infertility in an empathetic way, it's you. You know what it feels like, and you know how it can tear you apart, so you'll be better able to help him through it if that's what he needs.